I leave in 13 days… And I’m excited.
But I’m absolutely terrified. I’m scared. I’m sad.
On the other hand, I’m pumped, I’m ready, I want nothing more than to be Army Strong and be something I know I always wanted to be. I’m excited as ever for something. I’m happy to know I’ll be making never-ending friendships with people who will always have my back, no matter what. I’m stoked to make a REAL career and make good money. I’m thrilled I’ll be able to finish my degree without to really worry about having to pay for it.
I’m worried people are going to forget about me. I’m worried I’m going to change significantly, and the people who love me now, won’t love me after Graduation. I’m worried my girlfriend will never want to be with me again because I’ll be gone for so long. I’m worried and scared she’ll find someone else who is better than me and never look at me again. I’m afraid of this… I really am.
She tells me she’ll wait, but there’s this stupid small thing ringing in the back of my head that is bringing me down telling me “No she won’t… Why would she? You both went on break not that long ago and look at what happened… And then once you got back together, you decided to do this. Join the Armed Forces and leave… AGAIN. This is YOUR fault. YOU’RE making her feel sad. YOU DECIDED TO LEAVE. YOU DESERVE WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO GET.”
Then there’s the never-ending positive side of me that brings me back up, builds me back up “She’ll wait. She loves you with all her heart and soul… With every part of her. You graduate in TEN weeks. She’ll be there to see you become what you always wanted. She may be sad, but on the inside she’s proud of you. Happy for you. She told you she would support you in your decision and she is by letting you go. If she didn’t agree, she would say so. Of course she doesn’t want you to go, who wants to watch their significant other leave to join the Armed Forces and be gone for such a long time? It’s a sacrifice. It’s a higher purpose and you’re doing what you can. You’ll be back holding her again in no time.”
13 Days…. It’s coming so fast. And I’m excited. And I’m nervous.
I’m going to miss the FUCK out of Megan… I’m gonna miss my Mom… I’m gonna miss my little sister and little brothers. I figure if I get the cry out now, I won’t cry when I leave. I refuse to show that type of weakness in front of others. I won’t let myself. I’m too proud to do that.
And I need Megan to know that I love her with all my heart. I really do. And that I’m sorry that I’m leaving her. But I’m not just leaving her, I’m leaving my family too. I’m sorry for leaving, but this is what I want to do. This is what I’ve been wanting to do for a long time and I got tired of waiting. I want this. I’ve wanted nothing more than this, besides being with Megan and living a happy and long life with her.
I’m not doing this just for me. I’m doing this for Megan, myself and OUR future. I want to live comfortably. I want to give her everything she has ever wanted. I’m tired of the lame-ass 5-1/-9-5 job that was getting me NO WHERE. I want to travel the world and see what the world is REALLY like besides through biased media voices and fixed camera views…
To anyone reading this… Wish me good luck. Pray for me if you’d like. Because I want to come home safely. I want to be able to look at my girlfriend, whom I love deeply that it hurts so bad I cry, in the eye and tell her “I’m home now, everything will be okay.” I want to come back home in 3 years and 29 weeks after being Active and be with her and my family and tell them all the things I will see.
I won’t let anything or anyone change my mind from this. I’m not backing down and I won’t let stupid little worries and fears stop me from becoming the Soldier I want to be. I will serve this Country and Protect those I love from any threat, domestic or foreign…
I love you, Megan. I love you, Mom. I love you, Milan.
Your Future Soldier,
Private Liezle Laquidari, 91A1